A Lot of Imaginary Action

Our band is good and all, but I'm personally most proud of our banter. The, uh, bits where we aren't playing our instruments. I guess most of the time it's a you-had-to-be-there kind of thing, but for kicks, here's the banter and a transcription from our last show.

The Audio

The Transcription

(we play Total Eclipse)
Audience: Yes!
Me: Zombie Dog!
Audience: Is that an original?
Me: That's original, we wrote that, most people don't know that about us. I still don't know who actually wrote that song. I keep saying it's Bonnie and Clyde or Sonny and Cher.
Steve: Bonnie Tyler.
Me: Oh yeah, this one's a good one. If I do say so myself.
Steve: This one's about giant monsters destroying Russia.
Me: It's in Russian actually, watch out.
(we play Adventures Of...)
Me: Oh yeah, so check it out. My brother wrote this software that plays along with the band. It's not just pre-recorded, it's actually, like, listening and responding.
Steve: We gave the computer sentience so it could play along with us.
Me: Yeah, but it's trying to take over the band, so we're kind of rethinking that one.
Audience: Like Terminator.
Me: Exactly. It's like Hal over here. "I'm not going to let you play that tempo Dave." That's funny because my name is Dave, so... Yeah, this one's good too, it's got a sing along bit which... You'll see it coming, it's pretty obvious.
Steve: It is.
Dave: Just follow me, I'm the drummer.
(we play Fat Kid Emo Pants)
Me: You see all that singing and drumming at the same time? That shit's hard man. Wait, I mean stuff. This is an all ages show isn't it. Don't tell your mom we just swore.
Steve: Did you notice that as soon as we mentioned the computer it turned it's volume way up? It thinks it's all important, like, "I'm the best member of the band!"
Me: "Computer solo!"
Steve: "Whoooo!" Um, should we do our ballad?
Me: Yeah, let's do the ballad.
Steve: You guys want to hear a ballad?
Me: This one's for the ladies!
(we play Hapiness)
Audience: That was lovely.
Me: Awwwwe. That was written for an imaginary girlfriend of the band's. That's not weird right? We're getting a lot of imaginary action on this tour, you guys have no idea. We're going to do one of Gene's songs. We picked this guy up in Toledo. He's like, "Can I be in your band?" To which we said, "Ok." That's about as complicated as that conversation was.
Steve: Turns out he's a cook!
Gene: I just got done reading Dale Carnegie, and I approached them very tactfully and said, "You guys are really good, but you need a bass player."
Me: Which is true.
Gene: "And I am a bass player. So you should take me." Dale Carnegie.
Me: We're all Dale Carnegie fans here I imagine, so... we've all read his latest books.
Steve: I have no idea who that is. Way to make me look like a moron.
(the mic is way too short for Gene)
Steve: Adopt a wider rock stance Gene.
Gene: This is a true story.
Me: Mostly about me.
(we play Karate)