Hippies and Hitchhikers

Montana is friendly, and as far as we can tell, filled with hippies, house parties, and folk bands.

We picked up a hitchhiker. Here he is taking up all the room in the world next to Gene.
Then Gene took over. "I'LL DRIVE!!!" Poor Steve was stuck talking with him, so I transcribed this brilliant conversation.

Guy: I've got six wives all over the country. I just have to find which one will send me some money. I've got some cigarette butts in my pocket, a book of matches, a lighter, and a dollar in my pocket. I'm Irish! Can't nobody mess with the Irish. Long as you got a penny in your pocket. I'm looking for a fight in Butte. I've got $11,000, I just can't get to it. I'm looking for my wife in Butte. She's a little ugly toothless Indian girl. I can say that because I love her.
Steve: Ok! (nervous laughter)
Guy: At least I've been able to keep mine.
Steve: That's always good.
Guy: Well if you can eat corn on the cob. OK poof, that went right over your head. do I embarrass you?
Steve: Eh... (nervous shoulder shrug)
Guy: I used to be in Vietnam. One thing I really did like though was my 44 magnum. That son of a bitch would knock a fucking ice box off its feet. Ok I'll shut up.
Steve: It's alright.
Guy: Birthday present here (indicates his hat). I'll probably sell it if I can. I do it all the time. These are broke right now (indicates his knuckles). Yeah they tried to put me in jail 6 days ago. I said for what? They said, "For fighting." You know, if someone hits me in the fucking mouth I'll hit him back. The cop says next time I'll throw you in jail. Three hots and a cot, a place to sleep. This guy from Australia filmed me for a movie called hitchhiker.
Steve: I'll keep my eyes peeled for that one.
Guy: We slow down? That's one thing I hate about this highway, it goes like this (waves his hands around). We're almost there now. (I guess that's it up there). Yeah, I just want to get uptown as far as I can, I've got bad legs, it's hard to walk. Once I see it I'll know where I'm at. So you guys are going to hit Missoula, huh? Well if you see a guy with cockeyes, he's cockeyed joe. If you see him, tell him I said hi. Fisheyes, know what I mean?
Steve: Yeah.
Me: Just find uptown! It's up on the hill, up by the mines. Just follow that white car. Run over it if you want to, I'll pick up the pieces. Cause this is what they call the flats. Just hit the top of the hill. (which one?) biggest one. Yeah, cause I used to live up here at the trailor parks, about a mile out. 30 years ago. Probably older than you are. (incomprehensible) heyuck a heh! jokes. Those flags are really big aren't they?
Steve: Yeah people here are really patriotic.
Guy: When I was in Spokan... I used to sell the phone thing, what do you call that? 40 bucks. They gave me a paycheck, I said give it to someone who wants a flag. Yeah cause my cowboy buddy lives down here by the gas station, but I've got to find my wife, wherever the hell she's at. Can't do nothing right. Course I'm irish... hahaha! Don't look at me like that!
Steve: (nervous laughter)
Guy: Course we could always fight.
Steve: ... I suppose...
Guy: Well you got to stick up for yourself, that's one god damned thing.
Steve: I'm not a fighter I'm an artist.
Guy: I'm both. After I beat you up I could always draw you. I was a bronche rider, my friend was a bull rider. He's broke up worse than me.
Steve: Both seem like excellent career paths for inflicting long term pain on yourself
Guy: How old are you? 38?
Steve: 24.
Guy: Oh, make my mind up, would you? Go up to the next block. My stupid wife is up there. I'm going to visit my wife. I'm probably going to beat her up. KIDDING! I'll probably beat up her boyfriend though. My buddy rick works at that liquor store, I'll probably get a pint from him. If I can't find her, hell with it, someone else can have her. Stories are always good. You've always got something to remember. Remember me.
Gene: Remember me. What's my name?
Guy: Patrick.
Gene: Gene. You're off to a bad start. (Gene gives him a couple bucks and wishes him well)

Please Stand By For These Important Words:

So I've been to quite a few places since last we were together. I'm not sure how much I could go into about how I even got on this tour without boring you..

I've seen some of Indiana, and a nice suburb of Chicago called Villa Park (habitated by the brother-in-law and sister of the guys I'm traveling with), who for CHURCH RUNNING CHRISTIANS, are as nice as the ones who talked me into/helped-me-into Baptism. I've met these guys' mom and dad, and also the drummer's wife and kid (M and O), AND EVEN HER PARENTS (in KOHLER, WI); all these places I've stayed, and at the very least, with THIER family who felt so much like my own in my first week away from home.

I am cooking as much as I can. For everyone who'll have us over. Carrying babies off as much as the blessings would let me.

Talking to each and everyone aside, and the whole time being asked to travel only for the sake of my abilities to play music (and wash clothes).

Now I'm making ten-bucks a day for all my "band-mother" duties: cooking, laundry, and general handling of the band's collective absent-mindedness.

We are presently mixing down a demo (of which I am ALSO in charge of) that we recorded with some of the best recording/playing equipment I've ever seen, and in a place where I feel a certain part of my childhood might still be missing (Cassville, WI).

I've been to Eau Claire, WI, a small, though musically supportive town in itself, and went skinny-dipping (nearly) at dawn in a river; though had the BEST time when I met Mali, from Menomonee, WI, who took us to the river-bottoms (Chippewa?). I saw brothers (mine) connect after years. I made a long-overdue friend. I threw myself further into the river. I sat IN the current (literally). From where I sat with Mali digging rocks and transversing the current, I saw a boy plunge tens-of-feet off the train truss-ell (bridge) with my companions (brothers), only he didn't come back up, and after long hours of searching, we found out days later that his body was discovered in the dam, down-river.

The sun was shining when he died. The weather was beautiful and people all around him were holding each other and discovering their own mortality.

We drove on to other gems: Minneapolis. Fargo(where I'd finally been able to pick up traces of friends who'd played there before and gave me a show ( a good one with the FILLERS and LONELY H and Blind Joe (the best damn country singer I know) because of it..) Bismarck, where we met the BEST friends of the so-far trip, Elijah and a supernatural group from Minneapolis called "Spirits of the Red City". A family band, whom I don't mind admitting, were the result of any hard dreaming and listening I've done inside myself for so long.

SOTRC are a gorgeous, supernatural-sounding, seven-piece, led by Will Garrison, (who's done his time in Louisville and Minneapolis, AT LEAST). There are a pair of classically-trained fiddle players (BROTHERS) (one little, one big) who not ONLY COOK (WELL), but who play like they were playing each other's wedding/funeral, and who play along side one Rachel Overby (Double-Bass, Vocals) AND her adorable sister (whom you might equally fall for), Alyssa; both of who grew up in one of the biggest folk tribes of the Northwest. I met them and ate with them, and then after my time in Billings, Montana, caught up with them again in Missoula, MT where we were greeted like old friends and forced ourselves into next-day hedonism (foods/hammocks/
mango-mimosas), and for the rest of the day proceeded to cook, cook, cook. Two names not yet mentioned are surprises for you. But know this tribe is not only RELEVANT, but talented as any sing-along you or I could ever muster.

I am in love with all of them, equally, for seven different reasons.

I played a show in Missoula at the same house party. I was told I made a boy cry (which was always a true gauge for me, ask my new friends).

I played with Will and smoked with Anthony, and amazed all with an after-hours-Swiss-Chard sauté, stacked with GARLIC and more-garlic-rooster-HEAT, left-over diced, fried potatoes, PEANUT-BUTTER and RAISINS (of all things). IT WAS "AFRICAN". YUP. "AFRICAN". AND THEY LOVED IT. OVER SPAGHETTI. Then as a digestive/dessert, I served fresh-watermelon sprinkled (secretly) with sweetened lemonade mix. I was blowing minds. Forget about the girl that blew me off that night, though would've married me the night before. Nice teeth, yes. Good ears, maybe. Poor sleeping skills, indeed.

I made some mistakes, coming onto girls(one or two, sisters of mine) with several different reactions (not regrets, but forgetting myself).

I made friends and can't forget the hitchhiker we picked up between Billings and Missoula that we took all the way to Butte. Crazy Fuck."..my ugly wife..I can say that cuz I love her" Dave transcribed the whole thing..I snuck a picture.

I slept as many sleepless nights as I ever have. I had a nightmare hitting Idaho. (ask me about it), and woke up screaming as Steve drove and Dave wondered even MORE about me. They finally understood (or maybe not) why I DON'T SLEEP MUCH.

I've seen Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho and Washington for the first time and fell for each of them.I saw Seattle for the first time today. Another religious pilgrimage of sorts (nearly L.A.).

I played Seattle for the first time today.

I may see Christa in the next coming days.

I am alone and OKAE..

I miss you, too..

GeneJr

Death

I'm pretty sure I've narrowed down how I'm going to die to one of two options. Either Steve's driving, or Gene's driving.

Steve

1. Ignores me when I tell him important timely directions like STOP or TURN LEFT HERE or WATCH OUT FOR THAT DEER.
2. Tailgates.
3. Drives under the speed limit.
4. Drifts all over the road if there are any distractions like beef jerky, someone being not perfectly still in the passenger seat, a semi somewhere, or he needs to move the sun visor.

Gene

1. Fucks with the ipod while swerving all over the road.
2. Starts lane changes THEN shoulder checks THEN violently swerves back into his lane if there's someone in his blind spot.
3. Drives with his face about 4 inches from the steering wheel.
4. Claims he's fine to drive when he's drunk or going on 10 minutes of sleep.
5. Can't hear the turn signal clicking, and so leaves it on until I tell him YET AGAIN to turn it off.
6. Has that New York City taxi / go-cart-racer driving style.

Today Steve was driving and Gene was napping in the back and Gene woke up screaming. "Aaaaah! Nooo! Noooooo!" He had a dream Steve fell asleep driving and he woke up to see Steve slumped over just as we were about to plunge off the mountains and die.

Why don't I drive more often you ask, seeing as I'm the least likely to get us all killed? I'm trying to get some work done. It's not exactly the most calming work environment though, so just remember that next time you're a little bored in your non-deadly cube.

New Itinerary, old photos

Due to various extenuating circumstances (mostly passport issues), we have to amend our itinerary slightly. As always, the full version is available on our press kit.

More minor changes may be made in the near future. Keep your eyes peeled.

We also recently got our hands (via Facebook) on some photos a friend took of our Eau Claire backyard show.

Share and enjoy!

</radio silence>

Never fear, faithful readers! I still live. I just haven't been able to get enough internet time the last few days to post here.

As Dave mentioned in his post, we played a sweet show in Fargo. Here's some bootlegs:

Karate - You've gotta show an audience who's boss!
Summertime Roll - Wait... we started with this one. Maybe we didn't show anyone who's boss after all.
thE32nd - (5)
Happiness - We've gotten better at killing the computer when it gets unruly.
The Adventures of Cri... yadda yadda - So sick of typing that (and a fever. Sick of the fever too.)
Fat Kid Emo Pants - This song gets better every time we play it! (It was even better at the Bismark show! (which you will never hear (see later portions of this post))).
It's a Good Thing - The only one where we didn't have to kill the computer at all.
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Even country fans appreciate epicness when they see it.

Other amusing quotes of the evening.
Girl 1: Let's go in and see [blind] Joe play!
Girl 2: Even though he can't see us.

aww...

Part 2!

The next day, we played a totally sweet show in Bismark, ND. That was booked in a similar way in that the open mic we meant to play got canceled, but we jumped on the bill of an actual show later.

It was a really good show that, unfortunately, we didn't get a good recording of.
Company was the only song which remotely turned out. The rest were too distorted by the recording process. Sad day.

Fargo, ND, Rock Capital of the World!

We started by watching a brutal hardcore show in a coffee shop basement, and met a dude who knew a dude who needed a band to fill in 3 blocks away.

We played for beer. We opened for The Lonely H who were a bunch of very talented 20 year olds growing their mustaches as hard as they could. They've been at it since 13. The last band was The Fillers. We helped get the dance party started, then they let us crash on their extremely comfortable couches.

Me to the first cute girl: Come dance! (She comes up to dance)
First cute girl to second cute girl: Come up here! (She comes up too)
Both cute girls to Gene: Dance with us!
30 seconds pass.
Second cute girl to Gene: Your hands are too low. I'm not comfortable with this.
First cute girl to me: I mean, we can dance, but I have a boyfriend.
10 seconds pass.
First cute girl is dancing with second cute girl. I'm slow dancing with Gene.

Rock and Roll!

Too diseased to type

I'm sick, so no witty comments today

Total eclipse of the heart
It's a Good Thing
Adventures of Cristobal...
The 32nd
Chelsea Hotel No. 2

Also

Back story: I forgot I had Steve's keys in my pocket when I jumped off the bridge, causing the alarm thing to not work for a day.

Gene: (using Steve's computer) The internet is slow. I guess I can download porn later.
Steve: Please don't download porn on my computer.
Me: (pretending to be Steve) Hm, let's consider all the implications of that joke, and take it to its logical conclusion.
Steve: I will set you both ablaze.

Later that day...

Steve: What? Who broke the leg off my amp?
Gene: We're pretty rough on that thing.
Me: Yeah. Sometimes I jump off the bridge with it.
Steve: Please don't download porn on my amplifier.

I couldn't stop laughing. That brother of mine, he's one sharp dude.

Also, we were going to pick up groceries in Monomonee for dinner with a girl Gene was impressing.

Gene: How do you guys feel about driving?
Me: It's just down there. Let's walk.
Gene: (resigned) Ok...

Later...

Gene: (to me) I've got like 120 pounds on you. That whole walk I was trying really hard not to breathe hard. HUFF PUFF HUFF PUFF!

Tensions Run Stupid

I had a great day. The open mic night was folky yet fun, I got to hang out with Laura, an old friend from college, and I had pho for lunch. The rest of the band had a slightly rougher time. Excerpts:

Me: Gene wants us to go check out that free band over there. Want me to unplug you? (unplug)
Steve's Computer: Beep!
Steve gives me a look of contempt.
I plug the computer back in.
Steve's Computer: Beep!
Steve: STOP UNPLUGGING AND PLUGGING IN MY COMPUTER!!!

Me: (driving) Where to park... I guess we could just park in a garage. There's one...
Gene: Turn left.
I turn right, looking for a cheaper garage.
Gene: I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!!!

Steve: Then we'll do Total Eclipse.
Gene: I am sick of butchering that song! Our time will be better served doing originals!
Steve: No! People like covers!
Simmering tension...

Tee Hee!

Better late than never.

Two days ago, we played at the Mousetrap in Eau Claire, WI. They let us do a half hour set because we brought drums. Buy those fellows a drink, my friends! Buy them a drink!

Karate - by Alan Eliazar, a friend of Gene's. It's got some pretty sweet lyrics about... well... karate.
Somewhere in Between - Gene's Supervillain song!
The 32nd - I think we get a prize once we've got 32 bootlegs of this. (4)...
Summertime Roll - By Gene's Addiction
It's a Good Thing - Computer! You betray us!
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Seriously, Computer. I will throw you out a window.
Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - Hopefully, me getting pissed off and slamming my computer shut looked like "stage presence"...

We didn't play anything yesterday because we're lazy and went swimming in Menominee instead.

Proof Yet Again

I'm hanging out at 420 Internet Cafe.

Wait, that stands for Acts 4:20. Tee hee!

I chalk this up to a greater trend where people creating religiously themed whatever sometimes completely lack an ear for innuendo or cultural references. My other favorite example being an 18th birthday party I was invited to many years ago: A Celebration Of Christian Manhood. Well, that or any song containing words like, "Jesus inside me" or "on my knees for Jesus" and so on. Giggle.

Zombie Dog at the Zombie House

Yesterday and today, we're in my old haunt: Eau Claire. We played behind the house I used to live in for a bunch of friends from an anime convention that I... nerdy mcnerd nerd in the nerdery with the other nerds... but I digress

Yesterday, we learned the ever important lesson of microphone placement. We now have two bootlegging devices, so the recordings should be twice as good, right? Unfortunately, we did a terrible job of placing them; the mics got completely overloaded on one, and its tracks are unusable. We salvaged the other though and got some pretty decent recordings, especially of some of Gene's stuff.

Share and enjoy.

If I Gave You a Guitar - If Gene gives you a guitar, you damn well better write him a song now!
The 32nd - It only took until the 3rd time I posted this song to get the name right!
Something in Between - Turns out Gene has a super-villain song too! Kick ass!
Summertime Roll - Some more Jane's Addictionny goodness for you.
Happiness - This ones a little quieter than the rest of our songs, so it turned out pretty well in the end.
Carpedium - Super-villains for everyone!
Fat Kid Emo Pants - Singing "I went to UWEC and gained the freshman 15" made me really sad. I did gain 15+ pounds after coming to UWEC!
It's a Good Thing - It's a passable thing. This song was mostly a sound check, so the levels aren't perfect.
Canadian Drugs PSA - A completely unironic cover, I assure you.
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Turn around Eau Claire.
The Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - I hate typing out that name so much! My poor abused wrists!

We're also playing the open mic at the mousetrap tonight.

We'll be back in town July 14th.

A Horrendous Cacaphony of Sound

...is what the bootlegs from the bell tower came out as. Unfortunately, the bells dominate the sound so that little else is audible. I even called in the big guns and consulted the guys at the home recording forums, but we could not do much.

Long story short, we had a lot of fun, but these recordings aren't the best you've ever heard.

32 - Gene's hit radio single.
Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - Now that we have a bassist, we pretty much have to play this one every day.
It's a Good Thing - our radio hit single.
I am the Greatest - since this one is pretty simple to teach new people.
Every Rose Has its Thorn - Isn't this song about a stripper? There was no room for strippers in the bell tower!
Jam 1 - We had a new instrument and new musicians, it was hard not to just noodle around and jam every once in a while.
Jam 2 - Really hard
Jam 3 - Ok, we probably weren't really trying to stay on any kind of track.

Madison Bell Tower

Tim Rusterholzis an old friend of mine. He happened to be in Madison yesterday. Now there's an instrument called a carillon which is basically a bell tower.


You play it on a set of levers laid out like a piano keyboard.


There aren't very many people who play these things, so those who do tend to know each other. Tim's grandfather was the president of some carillon society or another, so when Tim talked with the guy who sort of runs the carillon on the UW Madison campus, he said, "How could I get in here to practice?" The guy answered, "I knew your grandfather. I'll give you a copy of this key." And that was that.

Now Tim has had this idea for a while that it would be fun to get a band up in the tower to play along with the bells, so that's what we did yesterday. Holy fuck it was fun. First, I played the carillon for a couple of songs. The lower keys have huge bells with huge knockers, so you really have to get into hitting the levers. My left hand is a little bruised actually. Then we traded around a lot with different people on bass, drums, guitar, vocals, and bells. The sound travels really far too, so we were playing for everyone in a 4 block radius or so. The drums sounded great up there, they were almost as fun to play as the bells. I had a couple of goose-bump moments on both bells and drums where I thought, "This is soooo much fun! Waaaaaah!"

People walking by were amazed that someone was using the tower. We just left the door open, so while we were playing lots of wide eyed people would come upstairs to take a look around. The floor the band was on was quite loud because of the drums and guitar. The next level up was quite loud because of the bells. The view is great as well, so it was quite an experience with this tremendous cacophony and view of the sunset. If you were brave, you could climb up the old wooden ladder, across the plank over the bells, and up the iron ladder to the roof. I gave a lot of tours between songs.

We have some friends in Madison, so we got to spend a lot of time hanging out with them in the tower. It was super fun, all said.

3-minute setup! (plus or minus rock time...)

We played an open mic at an Irish pub in Madison last night. Being the slackers we were, we didn't show up until a few hours late when they were just about to tear down.

By begging the guy running the event (Mark Croft. Buy him a drink, my friends.) and promising to setup in 3 minutes or less, we secured a spot at the last minute. As we were setting up, some other guy on tour from Kansas City showed up and too begged for a spot. (Seriously, Mark is a great and gracious fellow and deserves free beer.)

Due to the 3-minute time constraint (ok, we set up in 6), we couldn't set up everything.

Here's what we sound like with no guitar effects, computers, or drums other than one snare:

Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - This was actually the last song we played, but it sounded the best. (I love having a bassist!)
It's a Good Thing - I didn't really miss the computer until we hit the bridge of this song...
Happiness - we started off with our ballad because Dave hadn't gotten his drum yet, and this song isn't so dependent on percussion.

No Total Eclipse that night. Gene's still not completely comfortable with it. (Understandably, so! Have you seen the chord progression for that sucker? It's all over the place!)

Tonight, we plan to play in a bell tower. Rawk!

Downtime plus rawk

We did get bootlegs of our backyard show last night. Fear not!

It's a Good Thing - With bonus bassy awesomeness!
I Am the Greatest - Some things never change
Happiness - The token ballad for the ladies lady in the audience.
Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - Adventurous!
Summertime Roll - So yeah... we're playing a Jane's Addiction song now, it turns out.
Gene's Song (I forget what he called it) - this is one of our bassist's own songs. Good times with variety!
Fat Kid Emo Pants - They're fat and emo. What other excuse do we need?

Downtime

We know a lot of people around here, so, uh, we haven't exactly been doing much besides hanging out and sleeping. We did play a back porch outside Milwaukee for a crowd of 8 people and one million mosquitoes. Odin, my 4 month old son, came along and helped out on drums, by which I mean he whacked the snare once and drooled on the sticks.

In Chicago we tracked down a show for the return trip in a bar where the bartender told us this story after buying the small crowd a round of shots.

"My friend Mikey's birthday is today, but I buried him yesterday. He was checked into rehab, and those bitches checked him out. He didn't even have a heroin problem, it was for something else, but that's what he OD'd on. They drove around with him dead in the back seat for 3 hours. He was 24. He had a girlfriend and an 18 month old. Today everyone is getting fuuuucked up."

Also,

"I'm dating someone out in Seattle. He's one of the fishermen from Deadliest Catch. (she shows us a picture signed by all the fishermen) I don't even like seafood! Last time I was out there I asked, 'Uh, can I have a steak?'"

(gene here:)

So I went to my regular open mic spot in Toledo, as usual, to take a break from all the rigmarole and debauchery, when I came across two guys sitting in the foyer at their laptops.I recognized them as potential newbies and out-of-towners, and immediately introduced myself. I have always been diplomatic in that sort of way to outside artists visiting my home spot. I found out the details of their adventure and by the end of the night borrowed their guitar for my own performance and sort of invited myself to jump on their tour to which they happily (thankfully) accepted. My time in Toledo had long been up, and it was time for some sort of divine intercedence of sorts. I believe this encounter was just that.

I've been on the road two days with these two brothers, and I believe wholeheartedly that this is the path that was meant and laid out for me. A friend sent me a quote from a Anne Lamott book, where she talks about a friend who had all these things go wrong in her life, over and over, and she was trying to be a good sport, but one day on a train, she was whining to a guy next to her and (now I will quote from the book):

"it turned out that this man worked for the Dalli Lama. And he said, gently, that they believe when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born, and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible."

This sort of says it all about this moment in my life and now this tour. more on all these things and more..when I RETURN..

A taste of things to come.

We've only played one gig since picking up Gene, our bassist.

Here is a taste of that. Listen to how awesome that man sounds despite never having practiced or played our songs before!

It's a Good Thing - Anyway, we took a day off to practice and teach him the songs. From here on out, we'll be more rockinger than ever!

Fort Wayne

More open mic nighting, but this time with a rock and roll bass player. Here's how you pack a van
with weirdos.

Conversation outside the bar as we're packing up:
Sunburned dude: Hey, what's up.
Me: Not much. You from the Fort Wayne area?
Sunburned dude: Yeah, just up the road in a town of about 200 people. I'm a farmer. How about you?
Me: We're from Queens up in New York. We're on a big tour to Seattle and back.
Sunburned dude: Is Queens a small town?
Me: Part of the city actually.
Sunburned dude: Get a lot of pussy up there?
Me: (somewhat startled pause, poorly hidden) My fair share I guess.
Sunburned dude: How about on this tour?
Me: Nah, I'm sure the smell doesn't help, among other reasons.

Which made me think two things. First, sunburned dude needs to spend some time in a town larger than 200 people. Second, there are lots of little details that it's hard to appreciate, like:

1. The smell of the van in morning after three not-recently-showered guys slept in it.
2. Spending hours in Starbucks trying to figure out where to play next.
3. How fun it is to rock out even if you only get 10 minutes and you spent all day getting there.
4. How much time you spend being irritable because you're lost and not eating properly.
5. The moments where someone does something really amazing at an open mic in the middle of nowhere.
   

You Will Be Successful In Toledo

We hit up a local arts center and crashed poetry night. Grizzled old atheist Hemingway characters recited poems about death and sex in gravely voices. Younger ladies including some high schoolers read surprisingly enjoyable and angsty poems about characters, stories, and things they were dealing with.pictured: Elaina, a talented local poet, who said, "I was worried my work would be too radical until the poem about old people fornicating." For that one, picture a your grandfather reciting, "I reached into her skirt, and felt for the leather wallet of her vagina," and "The back of her hand brushed against my trowsers and my shrivelled, scared penis."

I played this old piano they had in the room. It was all very fun. What a great corner of America we tracked down. Seriously, let's all write poems and hit up some open poetry nights.Also, here's Gene, our new basist. Don't ask me how we all fit in the van, I don't really get it myself, but I slept like a rock. He's on his way to Portland to try out for an honest to goodness successful band, and we're going to get him there at the rate of about negative ten miles an hour.Rock and roll!

Special piano version!

We had a piano at last night's open mic!

Now you have these:

It's a Good Thing - It is a good thing. A very good thing.
I Am the Greatest - We had to teach Dave the chords, and we decided Total Eclipse was too complicated. Sorry everybody.
Our House - Fewer verses! No Bridge! Whooo!

The Robot Rebellion is Upon Us.

We referred to my computer as the third member of the band at yesterday's gig. Some jokes were then made about the electronics rising up and seizing creative control of the band.

The electronics then proceeded to rise up and take seize control of the band.

It's a Good Thing - This song did not get recorded. The recorder wasn't on. (Robot rebellion #1)

Total Eclipse of the Heart - It took us three attempts before the computer decided to play along with this one. (Rebellion #2)

I am the Greatest - The looping pedal didn't work. (Rebellion #3)

If we don't make it to Toledo, it's because the computers killed us. Avenge our deaths.

Goodbye Cleveland!

We went to a super fun full stage open mic night at Kobalt. Half of these things have drum sets that are way sweeter than mine. We almost spent the night at a super pretentious folk open mic, so that was close. Luckily they pointed us in the right direction as they wanted our non-folk asses out of their coffee shop.

Cleveland is a big place, but we totally ran into our new best bud Dave from Akron, who famously observed that it's taken Steve and me 9 days to get a measly 10 hours out of New York. I wingmanned for him with mixed results (I did a good job, I swear). Regardless, I had a great time playing pool, rocking out, and drinking great beer until 2. Dave even let us crash at his place.

We met these folks at dinner, they came to check us out.

I guess I understand how you could lose a guitar.


On to Toledo! Rock and roll!

Cleveland bootlegs

Hooray! Recordings of our first paid gig! (in no particular order)

Buddy Holly - The Weezer classic, performed actually quite well if I do say so myself
Conspiracy - Don't sell the wife and kids to get your hands on this mp3 (it's free; that would be stupid), but it's worth a listen.
Fat Kid Emo Pants - Cutting yourself to sleep at night never gets old!
Happiness - Ballads: they're what's for dinner?
I Am the Greatest - I'll stop singing it when it stops being true.
It's a Good Thing - We hadn't quite gotten our levels set when we did this one, but it still turned out pretty well.
Our House - Words cannot express the rock! Well, they probably could, but I can't think of any right now.
The Adventures of Cristobal Pt. 2 - This is probably our best take of this song so far.
The Hand Jive - I forgot the second verse, but that's OK! I just sang the first one again.
Total Eclipse of the Heart - So. Damn. Epic!
You Had Me at Hello - The guys from Hammerloaf were at the show. They insisted we play this song. We didn't know it, so we made it up. (By "made it up," we mean "Stole Happy Wednesday's 'Free Bird' idea.")

Until next time!

That's Right Bitches, We Got Paid

Big milestone team, we got an honest to goodness show at a real venue for money.

Here's a picture of the crowd, and us, looking like... imps or something.


Well, "crowd," anyway. That's OK though, baby steps. One dude in the audience really got into it, came up to sing Under Pressure with us during the Zombie Dogaraoke and proceeded to yowel and huff for the 45 seconds we let him stay on stage. I guess Dogaroke is only as not-weird-in-a-weird-bad-way as your audience. Or something. Anyway, Cleveland again today, and Toledo tomorrow.

Grooooooooss quote.

We went to a show where the lead girl was in an accident or something and wears an eye patch. She totally owned the situation by starting a pirate punk band.

Audience Dude: Your mother's uncle!
Weird Greasy Pony Tail Band Member: That's how I got here. Not that I'm complaining, I just want in on the action.

Grooooooss.

Anyway, this morning I had my coffee with fresh goat's milk. Everyone's rent in this house is about $180 / month. We drank prodigious amounts of beer last night. Between the lot, there were 5 stabbing scars and 3 broken face stories. Most of us got up at noon. The brothers had matching tape cassette and crossbones tattoos. Hopefully this is giving you a idea of how awesome this house is.

Akron

We spent yesterday hanging out with a guy we met on couchsurfing.com. He tried to get us into a show at the last minute, but the other bands wouldn't have it. So no bootlegs today.

It was good times. We hung out and drank beer and traded road stories.

He also gave us some tips on places to check out in Cleveland for tonight and tomorrow.

Cross your fingers for us and hope that we get a sweet gig!

Also, guitar quest is complete: We bought a nice, blue Wasburn X-series. Then we discovered it was missing an important part. Then we bought the replacement part. Now we have a sweet guitar which is probably better than the old one.

And that's how I saved Christmas.

Bootlegs: Super Bonus Acoustic Version

Here are some recordings of the show Dave talked about in the last post.

They're extra fun because they're acoustic versions, with less distortion and BONGOS!

Adventures of Cristobal - It's a little sloppy, but it'll do
It's a Good Thing - Are you really surprised?
Total Eclipse of the Heart - It sounds pretty good with an acoustic and bongos.
I am the Greatest - Everyone else insisted that we keep playing while they take a break.
Happiness - Why not play the ballad?

Share and enjoy.

Pittsbuburgh, Take 2

Actually we never made it into Pittsburgh, but we got close, and recovered from Steve's guitar walking out on him. There's definitely a country song in there somewhere. We know it walked because we headed back to the bar and the guys who cleaned up as we were leaving definitely didn't seen it. Anyway, he's got a snappy new blue girl whose heart will remain true, I can just tell. Seeing as I have no idea when his birthday is or when I last got him a birthday present, I got him a case.

Last night we hung out at the Keynote Cafe just outside Pittsburgh.


We got there really late as New Guitar Quest took up most of the day and required a lot of driving (including another $10 on the Pennsylvania turnpike). We did an acoustic set, where yours truly was an expert bongo-ist. Jill, the owner, was super friendly and hooked us up with all kinds of free food. We played some blues with the other guys there for the night too. I wish I had a picture, but just picture two dudes who look exactly like this.


Bonus Country Song: Steve's Guitar Broke His Heart

You may have cost a hundred bucks,
Your wiring may be faulty.
But Steve kind of loved you for the times
you spent rocking out together.

But now you've walked away
Nary a whisper to the dudes in the bar.
You took the memories,
and broke poor Steve's heart.

Steve's moved on from your cheating ways,
and got a new blue beauty.
She'll never wander far from home.
Though Steve'd have you back in a jiffy.

Except we probably wouldn't drive back across the Pennsylvania Turnpike to get you.

Hello Pittsburgh!

Here's how yesterday went down.

1. $10 and an hour on the Pennsylvania turnpike to just outside Pittsburgh.
   
2. We get to some wacky elks club type place having an open stage blues jam night. They're giving us free pizza, everyone is really friendly, the beer is $1, we're watching the 4th game of the Stanley Cup series, the house band fires up and they're really good, it's looking like it's going to be a great night.
3. I start to get our stuff out of the van. I don't see Steve's guitar.
4. Steve doesn't see Steve's guitar.
5. Steve's guitar is missing.
6. $10 back across the Pennsylvania turnpike towards last night's venue.
7. We find a place with WiFi, and decide we should look up the number and call ahead.
8. They have no idea what we're talking about. Note to the Baltimore Guitar Group: let us know if you find Steve's guitar. We think somebody might have accidentally walked off with it.
   
9. We take an extra thorough look through the van, pulling things out so we can make sure the guitar isn't under anything.
10. Back on the Pennsylvania turnpike, except Steve turns the wrong direction. You can't turn around on this puppy, except illegally, which the nice toll lady advises us to do.
11. Now we're headed the right direction, once again back to Pittsburgh.
12. We pull over for the night, we're done. $1.60 for the turnpike.
    
13. Steve says, "Where's the snare? And my pedal box?"
14. I realize I didn't put the stuff back in the van when we looked for Steve's guitar.
15. Back on the turnpike, $1.60.
16. Our stuff is still there on the street.
17. I collapse in melodrama.
18. We call it a night before we, oh I don't know, blow up the van, or accidentally shoot the other guy, or who the hell knows what.
19. Today we're going to $10 the turnpike, and hit up some Pittsburgh pawn shops for a new guitar.

Rock and Roll!!!

Pittsburg Pt 1.

DAMMIT!!!

PS middle of nowhere

We got some recordings of our show and the R&R karaoke (I'm digging the term "Zombie Dogeraoke")

It's a Good Thing - We play this song a lot 'cause it's really good!
Total Eclipse of the Heart - I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't play this song every night for the whole damn tour!
I am the Greatest - yes, I am.

And from the Zombie Dogeraoke:
(Note, all these pictures were taken by Mike of the BGG. Thank you Mike for all the work you put into this event!)

500 Miles - sung by the fine fellow on the left


Ticket to Ride - sung by this classy lady (also on the left)


Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love - What does Van Halen have against complete words?


I Walk the Line - Sung by this talented bloke


Lightning Crashes - As sung by this *I'm running out of adjectives* dude


Baba O'Reilly - Featuring this man-of-the-hour... wait... Unfortunately, there are no pictures of this song or the guy who sang it available...

Walking on Sunshine - Featuring the vocal stylings of this unparalleled young woman


And here are some more pictures of us. Again, thank you, Mike for setting up this event, taking pictures, running sound, and all the other work you put in!

The Middle of Nowhere Maryland!

Yesterday we hit up an open mike night in the middle of nowhere vaguely outside Baltimore hosted by the Baltimore Guitarist Group. It was a pretty damn good day. We picked up one last Phillie Cheese Steak on our way out of Phillie, and headed to Maryland. Once we arrived in the boonies, a Rock and Roll afternoon of frisbee, the driving range, a picnic, and beautiful weather prepared us for a Rock and Roll evening of Rock and Roll Karaoke at this bar Steve found online.

This is the first time we actually put the Rock and Roll Karaoke idea to the test, and it was everything I could have hoped for in rocking out. Lots of people in the bar got into it and did a great job. Our new best bud Marty joined us on bass too. He declined to join the tour as he's a little tall to sleep comfortably in the van (not that I'm so short that it counts as comfortable). There's a moral here, which is that Rock and Roll Karaoke is pretty much the most fun thing ever.

The other bands were quite good. This is a common theme at open mike nights. This country is stuffed with talented people who go through an awful lot of effort to play for 15 minutes in front of 10 people. We're smack dab in the middle of that Venn Diagram.

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
- Banksy

Here are some of my favorite lines from other bands' songs, accuracy not guaranteed.

• I got drunk and stumbled away, but I didn't get that far, because I fell right back in your arms.
  - The guy whose songs had a decidedly autobiographical vibe to them.
• She took the pussy, I got the cat.
  - Duquense Incline, writing about a girlfriend the drummer had who left him with the cat just before she took off. R&R Karaoke-wise, Jimmy did 500 Miles, and Jay did... I forget.
  
• Fish swim. Birds fly. Daddies yell. Mamas cry. Old men sit and think. I drink.
  - Some guy who covered a Mary Gauthier song. He also did a great job of a I Walk the Line Rock and Roll Karaoke style.
  

Philadelphia pt 2

Philly is a really cool city. We stuck around for a second day (we'd hoped for a third too, but we just couldn't find a gig. *sigh* off to Baltimore...)

Anyway, we played another open mic night. Again, hosted by Boy Wonder. He's a pretty cool guy and was quite patient with us being obnoxious and demanding.
It was at the Tritone, shown here


We played two songs:
I am the Greatest - right before we started playing, the high hat fell apart in 3 places. Dave spent the first half of the song trying to fix it and the second half with his snare drum way too close to the recorder (that part's probably my fault, but I'm still blaming him).
Our House - we lost the tempo in the beginning, but once we found it again, this song went pretty well.


Lessons learned:
1. mic placement. Don't suck at it.
2. Plug everything in. Why do I keep forgetting this?

Itinerary pt, 2 + press kit

I suppose it's about time we posted our full itinerary here. Since blogspot didn't like our previous tabled form, we're just going to link offsite to our press kit. (You'll need javascript enabled).

If you're interested in pimping our band at some local venues somewhere along the road, that's the info to use.

Share and enjoy.

Philadelphia pt. 1

We're doing two days in Philadelphia.

Day 1: We argued about whether or not it was worth it to try to book real gigs or just do open mic nights.
We hung around with some of Dave's friends. They were pretty cool. One of them let us crash in his dorm room AND take showers! Sweet!

We played the open mic at this place called World Cafe Live. It was a pretty cool venue, but we only got to play "one" song.
It's a Total Eclipse of the Good thing. We got a minor talking to for that one.

Dave also did the drums some random schoolteacher we met in line's rap about her dad. She kept it down to earth and authentic by forgoing any of those pretentious ABAB rhyme schemes and sticking with the classic AAAA
For My Dad

"You can't kill the metal no matter how hard you try" - Boy Wonder (MC of Philly Rising open mic)

We didn't take any pictures, but you can check out the venue's website if you really want to see what it looks like. http://www.worldcafelive.com/

Farewell Sweet Princeton

We spent about 4 hours lost in the countryside of Jersey before we ended up at Princeton, a mere 15 miles from New Brunswick. Granted, we accidentally played a game of mini golf somewhere in there. Anyway, last night we played in a square off of Witherspoon street in Princeton. It's graduation time so we played for a lot of families.

We made $14! Enough to buy 2 beers at the local brewpub where I declared the Coffee and Cream Stout to be ok, while Steve declared it the best beer he ever had.


While driving on Quaker Street:
Steve: This street is making me hate Quakers. Are we writing down humorous quotes?
Me: Sure, we can. Why, do you have something funny?
Steve: That bit about the Quakers just there.
Me: I didn't think that was funny.
Steve: I guess you had to be there.

A lady in the Princeton Starbucks to me: Can my daughter go ahead of you? She has a tea ceremony to attend.
Before I could say, "That's the most pretentious thing I've ever heard," the guy ahead of me let them in.

Edit by steve:

Here are some of the better recordings of our R&R Karaoke that night.
Walking on Sunshine
Free Falling
Hit Me With Your Best Shot