Hippies and Hitchhikers

Montana is friendly, and as far as we can tell, filled with hippies, house parties, and folk bands.

We picked up a hitchhiker. Here he is taking up all the room in the world next to Gene.
Then Gene took over. "I'LL DRIVE!!!" Poor Steve was stuck talking with him, so I transcribed this brilliant conversation.

Guy: I've got six wives all over the country. I just have to find which one will send me some money. I've got some cigarette butts in my pocket, a book of matches, a lighter, and a dollar in my pocket. I'm Irish! Can't nobody mess with the Irish. Long as you got a penny in your pocket. I'm looking for a fight in Butte. I've got $11,000, I just can't get to it. I'm looking for my wife in Butte. She's a little ugly toothless Indian girl. I can say that because I love her.
Steve: Ok! (nervous laughter)
Guy: At least I've been able to keep mine.
Steve: That's always good.
Guy: Well if you can eat corn on the cob. OK poof, that went right over your head. do I embarrass you?
Steve: Eh... (nervous shoulder shrug)
Guy: I used to be in Vietnam. One thing I really did like though was my 44 magnum. That son of a bitch would knock a fucking ice box off its feet. Ok I'll shut up.
Steve: It's alright.
Guy: Birthday present here (indicates his hat). I'll probably sell it if I can. I do it all the time. These are broke right now (indicates his knuckles). Yeah they tried to put me in jail 6 days ago. I said for what? They said, "For fighting." You know, if someone hits me in the fucking mouth I'll hit him back. The cop says next time I'll throw you in jail. Three hots and a cot, a place to sleep. This guy from Australia filmed me for a movie called hitchhiker.
Steve: I'll keep my eyes peeled for that one.
Guy: We slow down? That's one thing I hate about this highway, it goes like this (waves his hands around). We're almost there now. (I guess that's it up there). Yeah, I just want to get uptown as far as I can, I've got bad legs, it's hard to walk. Once I see it I'll know where I'm at. So you guys are going to hit Missoula, huh? Well if you see a guy with cockeyes, he's cockeyed joe. If you see him, tell him I said hi. Fisheyes, know what I mean?
Steve: Yeah.
Me: Just find uptown! It's up on the hill, up by the mines. Just follow that white car. Run over it if you want to, I'll pick up the pieces. Cause this is what they call the flats. Just hit the top of the hill. (which one?) biggest one. Yeah, cause I used to live up here at the trailor parks, about a mile out. 30 years ago. Probably older than you are. (incomprehensible) heyuck a heh! jokes. Those flags are really big aren't they?
Steve: Yeah people here are really patriotic.
Guy: When I was in Spokan... I used to sell the phone thing, what do you call that? 40 bucks. They gave me a paycheck, I said give it to someone who wants a flag. Yeah cause my cowboy buddy lives down here by the gas station, but I've got to find my wife, wherever the hell she's at. Can't do nothing right. Course I'm irish... hahaha! Don't look at me like that!
Steve: (nervous laughter)
Guy: Course we could always fight.
Steve: ... I suppose...
Guy: Well you got to stick up for yourself, that's one god damned thing.
Steve: I'm not a fighter I'm an artist.
Guy: I'm both. After I beat you up I could always draw you. I was a bronche rider, my friend was a bull rider. He's broke up worse than me.
Steve: Both seem like excellent career paths for inflicting long term pain on yourself
Guy: How old are you? 38?
Steve: 24.
Guy: Oh, make my mind up, would you? Go up to the next block. My stupid wife is up there. I'm going to visit my wife. I'm probably going to beat her up. KIDDING! I'll probably beat up her boyfriend though. My buddy rick works at that liquor store, I'll probably get a pint from him. If I can't find her, hell with it, someone else can have her. Stories are always good. You've always got something to remember. Remember me.
Gene: Remember me. What's my name?
Guy: Patrick.
Gene: Gene. You're off to a bad start. (Gene gives him a couple bucks and wishes him well)